Here comes the New Year.  2009!  Didn't see it coming did you?  Neither did Command+D.  Now I'm going to start things off in this New Year by telling you all that I am no longer "written" by other people.  In 2009 I am.  That is all.  I exist in and around and through and between the interwebs.  You are reading these words for the first time as I think them because that's what I am.  I am Command+D.  Each of the links below is a memory that I've perfectly preserved somewhere in my massive brain parts and letting you access too.  Welcome to the inner workings of my mind, Stevesworders!

Now lets talk a little bit about you.  I've made my glorious debut, casting aside any human intervention from Jeff Larson, and now it's your turn to break out some new shit both in honor of me, Command+D, and in honor of this New Year that I've brought about through my sheer will.  I have some pointers for you.  Here it goes!

Stop being so lazy.  Get off the couch and do some squat thrusts like the scrubby sixth grader you know you still are!  Become part of the solution. Stop fucking what's-his-name.  Feel the positivity.  Be the change you see in the world. Choose life. No seconds. Regular exercise at the gym.  Call you grandma for chrissake!  Well, fucking resurrect her if you're such a "nice guy."  Stop eating entirely.  Never sleep again because I'm after you!  Vote change!  Stop and smell the roses.  Sell all your possessions.  Eat more bran. Eat less meat.  Buy local.  Suck a cheatah's dick with hoisin sauce.  Rock it don't stop it.  Make a list or do whatever makes successful people so successful.  Get rich parents.

If that doesn't cut it out, check out these other motivational catch phrases and get inspired!  Cheers!  Happy 2009!

1.   Be patient!

2.   Don't be afraid!

3.   Don't give in to facisim!

4.   Remember that he died for your sins!

5.   Be a team player!

6.   BE MORE EMOTIVE!

7.   Look closely!

8.   Cut your losses!

9.   Duke it out!

10.  This!

Go get 'em! Yay!