Dear Mom,

How have you been?  I've been ok, I guess.  You know how it is, ups and downs, strikes and gutters.  Actually, that's not really true.  I've mostly been down in the dumps lately.  I'm just gonna come out and say it, ok?  I miss you.  And everything that I wrote to you last year, well, I take it all back.  Every word.  I crave your little fashion shows, I miss sitting on your lap at family dinners.

I didn't know what I was talking about.  You weren't constricting me, you were supporting me.  You weren't babying me, you were keeping me out of harm's way.  I've had it backwards from the very start and I can't believe what an idiot I was.  Please tell me you can just chalk it up to youthful ignorance or something else equally age-appropriate.  Please tell me we can move past this.

I can see know how wrong I was and how right you were.  Yes, I should have swung by to say hi to you every time I was in Manhattan for whatever reason on weekends.  And yes, I should have expected various occasions to be a lot more formal than how I dressed.  I'm unbelievably sorry I didn't wear a tie that one time.  And you're right, sometimes flowers don't cut it, sometimes you do actually have to show up.  But the truth is I should have known this all along, because you've never one time in my whole entire life been wrong.  And you've let me know.

Of course, this isn't just about you.  I'm so very different than I was a year ago, I'm smarter and I'm more mature.  I've grown up a lot and I'll think you'll see that.  Because I've learned some important lessons about the world in the last year and they've made me realize just how special and important you really are.  The number one lesson I've learned is that the world is a dark and scary place, even if it's sunny.  For example, if you try to order your hamburger with mustard, the whole internet will go ablaze.  And God forbid you work at a periodical, not only are you either gonna get canned or have to work for free, but you're probably never gonna get work again.  Really though, no one should think about working at all.  I mean, only 500,000 people lost their jobs last month.  And that's down from March.

The point is I've got basically no chance in this world.  And that's why I not only need you, but proves once again that you were right.  If condiment choice can make the talking heads squawk, how am I ever gonna get by, what with my wholly insane ticks and neuroses?  You're the only one who understands, Mom.  I've made a terrible mistake in not recognizing how much you really saw.  In not understanding how all of your nagging and prodding were a valiant attempt to make me the kind of person who could succeed in this world.  Except, I'd rather not.  Instead, I just want to sit around the house talking about books and stuff.  And that's why I need you to take me back.  I promise not to get all riled up about stupid minutiae, I promise not to ever question your judgment again.  I promise to never leave.

Mathy