What were you most looking forward to this weekend?

I was looking MOST forward to going to this party with these Finns I know from my job converting DVDs from Euro PAL to AUFAT (Australian Format). They said it was going to be in Park Slope but then when I get there I called my friend Manny the Finn and it turns out the party is actually in the park. So there we are, all standing under this footbridge in Prospect Park smoking weed and drinking this booze from a Gain detergent bottle that Manny said was a traditional Finnish drink but I think it was maybe just Gain. Anyways, I wake up the next morning in a tree covered in vomit that wasn't mine because I'm pretty dang sure I didn't eat hot dogs the day before. But at least I smelled good.

Any additions to your netflix queue?

Back on Top: Using the Teachings of the Karma Sutra to Further Your Professional Career

How's that big life decision going?

Well I finally called the Russian bride service and talked to this sales guy for maybe half an hour. He seemed really cool, but kept avoiding answering any of my questions about the actual women. He said we should meet for drinks at his place and he'd tell me more. So it's going pretty well, I'm leaving here in a few.

What story from the current news cycle is bugging you?

We really need to close our borders - I'm really sick of hearing about these Xenomorphs that are crossing into the US from Mexico! They steal our jobs and take them back to their hive caves where they impregnate them, and the President doesn't bat an eye!

What's the single most annoying thing you had to deal with this weekend?

Falling butt-first onto a porcupine.

What was the biggest disappointment of the weekend?

Buying bagel chips and losing them. And because I spent so long looking that I missed the new episode of Degrassi.

Did you leave your town?

I left a town of hurt on this one guy who was trying to talk his way in on this girl I was hitting on. Gave him a few elbow drops to the weiner, if you know what I mean.

What was the unfunniest thing you heard or saw this weekend?

Finally saw "The Elephant Man". Very upset, where were the jams?

Did you do anything this weekend you've never done before?  if yes, please summarize.

All I gotta say is two words: Canadian bacon. *WINK*