It's getting so hard nowadays for celebrities to convince themselves that they occupy a higher, more dignified plane than the witless prole. It used to be enough to be seen toting the newest Louis Vuitton bag or being chauffeured around town in a luxury sedan, sipping a glass of rare, vintage wine. But here we are in 2009, when the biggest growth market for all three of these things is China. CHINA!

The world's turned upside down for America's most prized and self-prizing demographic.

So what's an attention-hungry celeb to do? How can they be expected to flaunt their worth when any spoiled teenage girl in Dalian can sport the same pair of Christian Louboutins or gallivant around town in the same Enzo as them? The answer is simple: They [force their personal assistant to] write socially-conscious op-eds for the Huffington Post!