Editor’s Note: Welcome to Steve’s Word newest weekly series “Tips for the (Fellow) Unemployed”. Please embrace our newbie contributor Paul Elicker to the site. He has his own site with hilarious writings and even funnier drawings. We asked him if we could rip off some of his material and he graciously accepted our overture. You can find this piece and much more on Paul Elicker’s blog Thrillerverse.com.

LET ME OFF LET ME OFF LET ME OFF!! These are my tips for getting through the faulty roller coaster ride of unemployment!

So you were all set in mind and body – positive, attractive – and then you got shot down because you couldn’t find any jobs to apply to. And maybe you got a rejection email without even getting an interview. And also maybe you’re broke. But that’s OK – you’ve only wasted two-thirds of a day you’ll never get back, no big deal.

As I walked up the handicap ramp to the Denny’s outside my hotel in Raleigh, NC, I cringed watching the sloth-like line of customers entering this marvel of American cuisine.  I’d never been to a Denny’s sober before.  I watched and judged these people wondering if I could possibly look like I belonged here as much as they did, but I had no choice, it was the only eatery for miles.  While waiting to be seated, I watched a man unsuccessfully try to fit into a booth.  His enormous pot-belly wouldn't clear the table.  This man would need a different seat.

A waitress named Rahnay, fresh out of her hair curlers, led me to a booth and served me a much needed coffee.  I mulled over the options, Lumberjack Slam, Moons over My-Hammy, how could I choose with so many delicious options? "Does the scrapple come with a barf-bag?", I asked.  "No sir, it does not." "Then I'll have the American Slam," I said begrudgingly. "Would you care for a side of spam?" "I'd better not."